Archive for the ‘My Life’ Category

Yeeehaw!

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008

Today, I showed my friend, Lucy, my scooter. 

Lucy: Oh! That’s like the scooter you had in Paris. Is it fast?
Me: It’s fast. It has a 148cc engine, and is fuel injected. 
Lucy: Oh, I love going fast. Do you wear a helmet? I heard that it is dangerous to ride a motorscooter without a helmet because you might hit your head.
Me: Yes, I always wear a helmet. See, here is a big red sticker on my motorscooter. It says, “failure to properly wear a helmet could result in a traumatic brain injury.” 
Lucy: Oh, that wouldn’t be nice. Do you have a second helmet? 
Me: Yes. 
two on scooter
Lucy: THIS IS SO FUN!
Me: DO I KNOW A PUN? YES, BUT I CANT THINK OF ONE NOW.
Lucy: NO, I SAID, “THIS IS SO FUN!”
Me: OH! I KNOW. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO?
Lucy: I DON’T CARE. I JUST WANT TO GO! 
Me: HANG ON!
Lucy: YEEEHAW!
Me: HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE “WALL-E” YET?
Lucy: UMMM. ISN’T BALI IN INDONESIA? 
Me: THAT ISN’T WHAT I SAID. I SAID . . .

Wall-E

Visit to the Courthouse

Monday, November 24th, 2008

 

 

courthouse

That is a picture of me riding to the courthouse. I put a flag on my scooter, to show people where I was going. I was going to vote.

I know the security guard at the courthouse from the last time I voted. His name is Mort and he watches the metal detector.

Mort: Please take all items out of pockets and put them in the tray.
Me: Does that include my comb? It’s plastic. 
Mort: Please take all items out of pockets and put them in the tray.

I think Mort is bored of his job–he has to keep repeating the same thing over and over all day. 

Me: The weather is very nice outside today. 
Mort: Please take all items out of pockets and put them in the tray.

I wonder what Mort is like when he gets off work? 

After you put the stuff in the tray you walk through the metal detector and your stuff gets shoved through this box (probably testing it for bombs or something).

After that, I voted. There were alot of candidates that I didn’t know. People running for schoolboard and things like that. I didn’t know who to vote for. I hope the ones I voted for were good people. 

voting-booth

 

I must sleep very soundly

Friday, October 17th, 2008

Click

When I woke up this morning I went into the kitchen to find breakfast and flicked on the light switch.

Light switch: Click.
Me: Hmmm. I need to change that bulb.

So, I got a spare bulb, climbed up on the counter, and screwed in another one.

Light switch: Click
Me: Hmm Hmmm. That’s funny. My bulbs must be bad. I’ll go and ask Pat and Cindy if they have a spare bulb.

So, I walked out the front door. And . . .

You can see me scratching my chin in the picture, but I think I just opened my mouth and stared for a while. There was one big tree down right in front of the door, and another one lying on the power line. There was also lots and lots of sticks and branches in the yard.

Pat and Cindy walked over.

Cindy: That sure was some storm last night because I didn’t sleep a wink and I think the power went out at 2:30 but I can’t tell because all the clocks in our house are digital and when the power went out it was too dark to tell time boy there sure are alot of trees down around here I wonder when the power will come back on?
Pat: Looks like you got some trees down.

Pat doesn’t say as much as Cindy.

I must have slept very soundly, because I didn’t hear the wind, rain, or thunder.

Pat, Cindy, and I spent the whole day cleaning up our yards. I’m glad that tree missed the house, but I’m not glad that it came down–I liked that tree. I think I will plant another one next week.

Here are some pictures of me cleaning up the yard. The one in the middle shows me trying to push a big log that I cut with the chainsaw–I think I should have cut it into smaller pieces.

Here is a picture of the power company fixing the power line. We had our power back on later in the day.


Here is a picture of Pat eating lunch. Doesn’t he look sad just staring at his food? He said he doesn’t like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but that is all Cindy had that didn’t have to be cooked.

A library, a storm, and a friend

Saturday, August 23rd, 2008

We have been getting a lot of rain lately.

Today I went to the library. I usually go to the library to check my email, and to see if they have any new books to check out. They had several new books, one was on natural disasters, with descriptions, statistics, and pictures. I was reading about an earthquake in Alaska, when a voice came over the library intercom.

Library Intercom: The national weather service has issued a tornado warning for our area. Could everyone in the library proceed to the basement, please?

I looked outside, and it was dark. Then, I heard a siren going off outside the library. You know, the kind that you hear at noon, when there is a tornado, or somebody thinks nuclear war is about to happen.

Down in the library basement there were books, computers, desks, library visitors, and librarians.

Librarian: Ok, everyone please remain calm. We have everything perfectly under control. The tornado warning will probably be over in a few minutes. I repeat, everyone please remain calm.

It looked like everybody was already calm. But, when the librarian said “everyone please remain calm,” I wondered if there was something to be not calm about.

Then, some kids rushed down the stairs into the basement.

Kid One: It’s getting real dark out there. I think there’s a tornado coming.
Kid Two: If a tornado touches the library, will the whole building get sucked up into the sky?
Kid Three: No, the library is full of books that weigh a lot.
Man With Hands In His Pockets: This reminds me of the time back in ’74 when my trailer was hit by an F5 tornado. Picked the trailer right up and carried it five miles away and set it down in the community swimming pool. I was hiding in the well pit when it happened.
Librarian who Slouches All The Time: I don’t think there’s going to be a tornado. I just looked at the weather radar on the internet and it doesn’t look bad.
Lady With Frizzy Hair: Well, I hope there isn’t one. I left my car outside in the parking lot and its full of notes for the book I’m writing. I came to the library to research my book on how to get rid of head lice–I’m writing page 472 right now.
Large Lady in Chair: Are we all going to die?

Then the lights went out. Now, I could just hear voices.

We’re all going to die!
What are we supposed to do if there is a tornado?
I heard that you are supposed to put your head between your knees, hold onto something solid, and count to ten backwards.
I heard that tornadoes sound like freight trains.
I heard they sound like fog horns.
I heard they sound like millions of lost souls crying out in pain.
Nobody knows what a tornado sounds like because everybody who has ever been close to one is dead.
We’re all going to die!

I think some people enjoy making other people scared. Here is a picture of the lady who said we are all going to die. It was dark, but this is what I imagine she would have looked like.

Librarian Who Slouches All The Time: It’s ok, we have light now.

Then a little light went on, it was a lantern and the Librarian was holding it. Guess what happened next?

You know how you can see someone and think you recognize them, but you can’t remember where?

Me: Ummm, do I know you?
Lucy: Oh, Kevin! You were at the wedding in Paris!
Me: Lucy! And you were at the top of Notre Dame!
Lucy: What are you doing here?
Me: I live here.
Lucy: You live at the . . . library?
Me: No, I live in this town.
Lucy: Oh, yes, of course. I live in this town too.
Me: Well . . .
Library Intercom: The National Weather Service has canceled the tornado warning for this area. You may now return to your regular activities at the library.
Lucy: Oh, it looks like the storm is over.
Me: Maybe the rain has stopped. Would you like to come outside and look at my new scooter?

4th of July

Monday, July 7th, 2008

That is a picture of me watching the 4th of July fireworks display.

I normally sit out in a field and watch them, but this time I was in front of a building with a lot of other people around. I liked that better because every time the fireworks would go “boom” the boom would bounce off the building and make a swishing sound

Fireworks: Boom!
Building: Swish!
People Around Me: Ooooooh!
Me: Swap!

That last line was me swatting a mosquito. I forgot to bring my bug spray, so today I am itching a lot.