Halloween

November 13th, 2009

Doorbell: Dong!
Kid: Trick or treat.
Me: Wow! Who are you?
Kid: I’m an angel. I made my costume all by myself. It took me seventeen and a half hours. See my halo and wings?
Wings: Flap, flap.

I think the kids of the neighborhood are putting more and more time into their costumes each year.

Doorbell: Dong!
Kid: Trick or treat.
Me: Who are you?
Kid: I’m a scientist. See, watch me melt this stuffed animal in hydrochloric acid
Bear: PHPHPHHHHIPP!

Angel

Bebo is my next door neighbor. Bebo is always trying to get his parents’ attention. When I opened the door to him, he was wearing a shirt and tie.

Bebo: Trick or Treat.
Me: Oh, what are you dressed up as?
Bebo: I’m an accountant. My dad says accountants cause a lot of trouble for structural engineers like him. He says they make him design boring buildings. I figured if I dressed up as an accountant, he might get worried about my career choices and become more involved in my life. But all he did when he saw my costume was give me a Butterfinger bar and two suckers.

I hope Bebo has more success with his parents soon.

Halloween-Bebo

Anyway, remember that dog I found tied to my mudguard? I named him Dart. He is kind of skinny and looks like a dart, and he moves around fast, too. Dart likes shoes.

Kevindogshoes

You will probably notice in the picture that Dart is chewing on a pair of women’s shoes. They are my mom’s.

Kevinmom

That’s a picture of my mom. It’s a picture of her before she found out about her shoes. I didn’t draw one of her after because she was moving around too fast.

Mom: WHAT!

I thought I would introduce you all to my mom. She and Lucy came over to help me with the trick-or-treating. I bought a big bag of Reese’s Pieces, Almond Joy, Suckers, Nerds, and Hershey’s Kisses. We put them into a big basket and handed them out to the neighbor kids.

Doorbell: Dong!
Kid: Trick or Treat.
Me: Oh, who are you dressed up as?
Kid: I’m a bombardier beetle. See, my tail can spray fire.
Bombardier Beetle: FWOOSH!

Beetle

My mom likes science and likes to talk with everybody about it.

Mom: Do you know what a Mobius Strip is?
Lucy: Ummm.
Mom: A Mobius Strip is a surface with only one side and only one boundary component.
Lucy: That’s very interesting.
Mom: Yes, it is. And if an ant were to crawl along the length of a Mobius Strip, it would return to its starting point having traversed every point on the strip without ever crossing an edge. Imagine how tired that ant would be?
Me: We should all try it sometime.

Kevinparents

That last line wasn’t ever really said. I thought about saying it but stopped myself. My mom likes to talk about science and can go on and on for hours. Thankfully, we had interruptions.

Doorbell: Dong!
Kid: Trick or Treat.

Me: Oh, who are you dressed up as?
Kid: I’m Captain Kirk. See: “Beam me up Scottie!”
Costume: Fwishzoom!
Me: Where’d he go?

Halloween-Kirk

Science isn’t the only thing my mom likes talking about. Later, we washed the dishes and Mom told us about Captain Cook discovering Australia on April 23, 1770. Here is a picture of Captain Cook discovering Australia — I drew my mom in the picture because I know she wishes she had been there.

Kevin'sMom-Cook

Doorbell: Dong!
Kid: Trick or Treat.
Me: Who are you dressed up as?
Kid: I’m a serial killer.
Me: But, you aren’t wearing a costume.
Kid: Serial killers look just like everybody else . . . Hey, is that Reese’s Pieces in there?

Serial Killer

Late Fireworks

September 23rd, 2009

It’s almost October, and I forgot to tell you about my 4th of July.

It was a bit more eventful than last year’s Fourth of July because it involved lots of people, lemonade, firemen, and malfunctioning fireworks.

We were close to where they were shooting them off. There was a stand selling hotdogs and lemonade, and lot and lots of people. Since we were so close to the fireworks, it was also loud.

Lucy: I’m gonna go buy a. . .
Fireworks: BANG!
Lucy: Do you want one too?
Me: What did you say?

On the way back from the lemonade stand, Lucy was busy watching the fireworks and tripped over a cocker spaniel and spilled my lemonade. So we both had to share the other one.

After the grand finale (when they shoot off all the remaining fireworks at once), everybody started to get up and leave when . . .

Fireworks Explode

Fireworks: BANG!

I think one of the  big ones forgot to go off when all the others did—but then remembered what it was supposed to do too late.

There was a lot of yelling going on over there and people with flashlights running around, then . . .

Firework Launch

Fireworks guy: LOOKOUT!
Fireworks: Boom! Bang! BANG!
Someone in the crowd: We’re all going to DIE!

The fireworks kept exploding right next to the ground. The firework people didn’t know where to run because they would fire off sideways and explode in odd places, like in the trees and over by the big fire truck.

Eventually, the firemen (who were there, just in case something like this happened.) got in their fire truck, drove over and hosed down where the firework boxes were.

I think the police were a little upset with the guy in charge of the fireworks. Here is a picture of him talking with the police after it was all over.

Unhappy Cops

Nobody got hurt, and everything was eventually cleaned up. I think it was a fun night.

Whuf!

May 20th, 2009

There are two main controls on my motorscooter–the throttle and the brake. I twist the trottle with my right hand to go faster, and squeeze the brake levers to stop. It’s really simple. Except when I’m on Hill Street. 

Hill Street goes up and up with a stop sign just before the top. Sometimes, I climb the hill kind of slow and there are people behind me. Then, I come to the stop sign and let go of the throttle and grab my brakes. 

Now it gets hard. I have to let go of the brakes. But when I do, my motorscoooter starts to roll backwards–towards the car behind me. I don’t want to hit the car, so I grab the throttle and give it a good twist. My scooter has a strong engine so I go shooting over the top of the hill, through the intersection, and over a big pothole in the middle. 

Here is a picture of me bouncing off the pothole. I look startled because I am. I think all the other drivers looked a little startled, too. 

Kevin Bounce

At the top of Hill Street is Center Bank. This is where I cash my checks from the Supermarket. That’s what I did today.

I had parked it next to the curb, and when i came out of Center Bank there was something waiting for me. 

Whuf!

   

Dog: Whuf.
Me: Ummm. Hello?
Dog: Whuf.
Me: What are you doing here?
Dog: Whuf.
Me: Who put you here?
Dog: Whuf.
Me: What’s your name?
Dog: Whuf.

He was small and skinny and kept letting out a low, horsey, bark. 

Dog: Whuf!

I think sombody tied him to my mudgard and abandoned him. That kind of makes me mad. He looked like a very nice dog. 

Me: What am I going to do with you?
Dog: Whuf! Whuf! Whuf!

Riding a motorscooter with a dog isn’t easy. I had to steer and work the trottle and brake with one hand, and hold the dog with the other. I had to turn my face away from the road, too, because he would lick me on the mouth. 

Me: Yuck!
Dog: Whuf!
Me: Oh no, there’s somebody behind me.

Kevin Pulled Over

I knew this police officer from my visits to the courthouse. His name is Mort, and he likes to say the same thing over and over.

Mort: May I see your license please?
Me: Ok. But I’m sorry officer, I didn’t know it was illegal to carry a dog on a motorscooter.
Mort: May I see your registration please?
Me: Ok. But, I wasn’t going to carry him very far. I just need to get him to our house.
Mort: May I see your proof of insurance please?
Dog: Whuf!
Me: Shhh!
Mort: One of your tail lights is out. You should get that fixed. Goodbye.

Kevin and Mort

As soon as I got home I fed the dog some leftover Kentucky Fried Chicken. He was hungry. What do you think I should call him?

Dog Eating Chicken

 

 

The Sutures

May 6th, 2009

The Bakers live next door. They have a son named Bebo. Mr. and Mrs. Baker work a lot. I think Bebo is trying to get their attention by starting a band in the garage.

Here is a picture of Bebo and his friends. That’s Bebo on the right.

The Sutures

Bebo: Ok, guys. We need a name for the band.
Hash: Something random. So people think we don’t like the status-quo.
B-Sting: And rebellious. So our parents will think we are heading down the wrong path.
Beeter: And loud so they think we are sustaining premature hearing loss.
Bebo: How about “The Sutures?”

Bebo and his friends have been spending a lot of time in the garage with their instruments. Bebo and Hash both play guitar. That’s Hash on the right.

Bebo and Hash

Hash: It doesn’t look like we are having much success with your parents. All your dad does when he gets home is read engineering manuals, and your mom looks at medical journals.
Bebo: Yeah, they don’t seem to hear our music even though we are playing it at a dangerously high decibel level. But, I’m sure that if they did hear it, they would start to get worried about us and take our instruments away.
Hash: Or do other things to correct our wayward path. I think we need to try something new.
Bebo: What about this? It’s a book of sheet music I found at the library.
Hash: Prelude Number 2 by Johann Sebastian Bach. Hmmm. It doesn’t sound very rebellious.

Valentine's Day

February 23rd, 2009

Valentine’s Day is coming up.

calendar2

We just got a shipment of Valentine’s Day candy in at the supermarket. There are boxes of candy samplers, alot of choclate truffles in the shape of hearts, and heaps and heaps of Hershey’s Kisses stuffed into bags. Reginald told me put it all onto the shelf.

valentine-candy

My manager, Reginald, has been acting a little strangely about the store since the flood. Now, he doesn’t like to put things on the bottom shelf. Unless they are inexpensive things.

Reginald: What are you doing? Don’t put the candy on the bottom shelf. The wrappers will get wet.
Me: The wrappers?
Reginald: Yes, put the candy on the top shelf. We need to make sure all our valuble items are kept safe. And, I want you to take all the Hershey’s Kisses out of the sacks and line them up induvidually on the second to top shelf. Got it?
Me: Ummm. Ok.

Now, the candy is a little hard to reach on the top shelf. Unless you use one of the lawn chairs we sell in isle twelve. But the candy is on isle one, so that would make it difficult.

Here is a picture of me lining up all the Hershey’s Kisses. Doesn’t it look like I want to eat one? I didn’t. We are selling them for five cents each.

kisses

This is the first Valentine’s Day where I’ve had somebody send a valentine to. I’m sending one to Lucy.

kevin-sends-valentine

Here is what I said.

I want you to be my valentine,
if it’s ok with you too, thats very fine.
I hope you enjoyed this little rhyme,
want to come visit me sometime?

lucy-at-door